But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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