So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
