You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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