I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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