it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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