No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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