All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
