Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
