That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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