Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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