yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
