Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
