I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
