Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
