Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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