so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
