So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
