can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
