She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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