I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
