addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
