Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
