I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's never too late to be topless.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
