New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
