so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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