Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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