Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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