I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
