I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
