PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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