i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
