Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
