Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
