I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
