I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
