I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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