Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
