To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
