Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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