Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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