Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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