Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
