I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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