I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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