I can't watch pbs sober anymore
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
