Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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