Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
