Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
