He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
