how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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