his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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