what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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