I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
