She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
