Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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